While
we were at a meeting we heard someone ask if it was possible to live well with
dementia and that made me think, because it came from an old age psychiatrist.
I sat and thought
about this for quite some time before starting to write, as part of me was
calling this person an idiot, but the other part was asking if he really knew
what it was like to live with this illness
I guess it all comes down to getting a timely or an early
diagnosis and then the correct support, help and guidance you need to get on
with a new life.
I do feel that
most of this hinges on being diagnosed at an early stage, and getting
medication, so that you can achieve a good quality of life from there on,
although I do believe that it’s all down to the diagnosis and how it is handled
by the consultant.
But you really have to try accepting the diagnosis, and
try to be positive, even though, it’s going to be very difficult.
Find friends who are supportive, yes we all lose friends
after the diagnosis, but are they really true friends when they go like this.
Find local support groups and dementia charities, which
can help, and meet new friends who may well do different activities.
It also comes down to accepting your limitations and not
trying to do the impossible,
Trying to work with your problems and not fighting them
all of the time, so you end up feeling sad and depressed
Accept the failures and if possible try something different
Understanding that life will not all be a bed of roses,
yes we have brilliant days, but we also have terrible days when our brains
don’t seem to work.
Enjoy what you can do, and treat each day as a new start
and a new challenge
When
I was diagnosed my consultant gave me some advice, which I still try to
remember and stick to.
My diagnosis
First diagnosis
After the diagnosis
of Dementia many like myself, are left feeling sad, and are left with nothing
but negative feelings, as life as they know it is changing fast, and they have
no idea just how they or others will cope with things from then on.
After my first diagnosis
of early onset Lewy Body Dementia, I was left drained and shocked, as I had
only ever heard of Senile Dementia,
We then had to move
home because I had lost my job etc, through the diagnosis, but by the time I
saw the next consultant we found out that the first hospital had lost all of my
notes. However the first hospital had
not been helpful according to my wife and gave us no advice or support
However my second
consultant changed all of that within half an hour, as she told me to expect
changes, to accept them and move on, as fighting could have the wrong effect. We had two long sessions with her and in many
ways she prepared me for the future
In her words:- you
may struggle to do something one day , something that you have done for years
and may not succeed in doing the project in hand.
If it fails, leave it
and try again another day. If after 4-5
goes it still fails, then leave well alone, as there was a danger in getting
quite depressed at not being able to do other things, and therefore I should be
careful, and think about it.
These words have kept me going, because
I have lost the ability to do many things including hobbies, but I still have a
life to live and will continue to do so while I am able.
But to many people who get the
diagnosis of dementia, life as we knew it has come to an end, but many are
encouraged to get involved with charities such as the Alzheimer’s Society where
they can get help and support both for themselves and their carers.
To have a good quality of life we all
need the support from others
But it should also be remembered that
everyone, with dementia is totally different, and they react in different ways,
no one size fits all.
By that I mean that some people can
retain information where others find it difficult.
As someone said only the other day, not
all forms of dementia follow a pattern as laid down in the text books, and many
with the same form of dementia are vastly different, so please make allowances
for us and give us the time to assess what is happening and answer in our own
words
No two people with any form of dementia
are the same; we are all individuals with individual problems and symptoms
Many like myself try to make notes as
words don’t always come easily, and sometimes the wrong words come out leading
to people thinking we are rude or aggressive, something that annoys me as it
proves these people really don’t have a clue about dementia.
Don’t make the mistake that many people
do, and that is ask a question and then try to answer it for us.
It is my view that those with this
illness, should push themselves to the limit if they can in the early stages,
as it would be very easy to give into this illness.
I must add that I am in no way
restricted in what I do, as I still enjoy photography, walking and painting on
good days when I can get things in the right prospective although these days
are running out slowly, but there are limits to how far I will go before I stop
myself, before I get frustrated at my inability to do things that I have done
for many years.
As I have said before I use assistive
technology in most of my hobbies, as it helps me carry on doing things like
photography, and although it gets tiring carrying all the stuff around at
times, it stops me thinking of what is around the corner.
There are many gadgets to help in this
hobby such as tripods and remote control gadgets for the days when my hand
shakes, but this does not stop me enjoying life
I agree that not everyone shares my
views and I would not expect them to, as we are all different, and have
different views, but at least these are mine and they have kept me going.
My quality of life now also takes in a lot of assertive technology, from
hearing aids which have enhanced my hearing, to the voice activated software on
my computer, all of which has enhanced my life, so I am not giving up.
As far as I am concerned I have a good
quality of life and would like to hear from other people with dementia and hear
their own views on this topic.
I also know that I am extremely lucky
to still have the freedom to do what I want at present, but others are not as
lucky as me.
This consultant also told me to write my life story,
something that I did not understand at first, but when she explained it, it all
made sense.
So much of my early life was unknown by my wife let alone
my children or grandchildren, so it’s there for them to read later on, it also
helps carers understand more about us if we ever need to go into a care home.
I was also told to keep a diary, because I was struggling
with very graphic nightmares and dreams at night. The idea was that as these
were still fresh in my mind the next day, I was to try writing them down so
that it may help the psychologist when I met her later.
This all helps and it’s up to the person with the
illness, to decide whether they are going to fight the illness and try to enjoy
themselves while they can or just sit back and give in to the inevitable
Like many who have
this illness, I have lost control of my writing, spelling, and grammar,
something I was always proud of when I was working. I used to be in charge of
two large Budgets at work, now my arithmetic is none existent on some days.
I was also responsible for all of the electrical work at
work, and rewired the College Chapel, but now I cannot fit a 13 amp plug top
That is all in the past, most of which I simply cannot
even remember, but I still keep going, because I simply don’t wish to stop and
give in.
As long as people understand these problems, then we have
no worries, if they cannot accept them then they really don’t understand this
illness at all
I guess that like many people who have dementia, we have
always remained active and I suppose we always will do, as we are fighters
So to answer the Question from the meeting
So is
it possible to live well with dementia?
I
think if you are positive, it is possible, but you have to accept the diagnosis
and the changes, after that anything is possible
But remember that in the UK alone, there are many dementia organisations, like the Alzheimer's Society, Lewy Body Dementia Society, Innovations in Dementia etc, all there to help you, so please us them and get the support you need.
There are many more groups, but I simply do not remember them, however, one day I will make a list of them all to keep on the blog