Back again

Its been a very long haul with constant chest problems since early December, and I am no where near to getting clear of them yet.

I am now back on another long dose of antibiotics, in the hope that this will clear the problem up once and for all, but its left me feeling very tired and low, because of the trouble breathing and the constant coughing up of mucus by the bucket load.

When I wake up each morning, I feel as if I have a bag of cement on my chest, and it takes time to clear this so that I can breath again.

Over the last few weeks I confess that I lost total interest in all of my hobbies including my blog, and this in turn has hit my ability to think and work things out.

I have been warned  that I will be a hospital inpatient if this does not clear, and I confess to being terrified of that now, I simply don't want to go there. I now have a fear of hospitals and simply don't wish to go there, because those places and dementia don't go together anymore.

It could well be as one doctor put it, that my lungs are in a mess from years of industrial poisons, from asbestos dust, wood dust, along with other stuff which was inhaled over the years without thinking about it.

Health and safety is far better now that it was in the 1960-70s, and when you see that hazards you worked with in that time its quiet frightening, but that's all water under the bridge so to speak, and what's gone can not be put right now. Some hazards were well known about others were not until it was too late for many.

However I did get asthma from wood dust,  and I understand that this could also be my asthma going into the next stage, and that is something which has not been fully explained yet, but no doubt that will come in the next few weeks if this does not clear as expected.

Many years ago I was a smoker, until I was given an unholy talking to by our then Welsh GP, who said that I would not live to see our children grow up if I did not stop. This was because I had bronchitis for the second time in 6 months.

 At that time I was also working on large oil fired boilers, doing all of the servicing and cleaning.  That night I walked out of the flat and threw the cigarettes in the boiler and never touched one ever again.

These days doctors do not speak to you like that any more, which is a great pity, because the world would be healthier place if they did, we would not have the vast numbers of obese people, nor would people be still smoking wrecking their lives along with other peoples lives with passive smoking.

But that's life as we know it and these days no one likes being told what to do even though its common sense.

I suppose that main problem these days especially in the UK, is that each time you go to the doctors you tend to see a different doctor, who has different ideas of what is wrong and what is needed, there is no continuity anymore. If you ask to see a certain doctor, you are frowned on, yet as one said its the only way to keep continuity these days.

Like all illnesses these days, I do feel that if a doctor does not understand what is going on, they should refer you to someone who does understand, so that support and help can be given rather than dragging it out so that things get worse.

When you have dementia and get other problems like this, life becomes very hard, sometimes distressing and difficult to get yourself inspired let alone do anything to help yourself.

You cannot think straight, and sometimes becomes very distressed, and then take it out on loved ones, which hurts even more.

I no longer have or feel religious, I feel as if its all sliding away, as everything which I held so dear, means little or nothing these days.

Carers struggle at times seeing this and I gather my wife has been upset in church  and places like that, simply because, she can see the damage being done to me, while the doctors simply sit back and don't want to do anything.

We have now at least found a doctor who is genuine and helpful, but it remains to be seen, how long this will last as I am not positive any more, I confess to be losing the will to fight, and that is something I don't like admitting to, but I know that its true now.

I can only hope that this year improves after this start.



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