Stress and Dementia

I often wonder what has gone wrong since my diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia, but it would be easier to ask what has gone right.

When I was working the Bursar at my College used to say that she was amazed, when things went totally wrong, because I seemed to go into overdrive and thrived on stressful times. In some cases she would say that I was unstoppable, because once I had got the bit between the teeth, I would work all hours to get everything back to normal, even working through the night to achieve it.

I confess that I was shocked to hear that ,because as a University College Engineer, I was responsible for all of the College Buildings, the services, including all of the Electrical, Gas Water, Ventilation and Air conditioning systems, along with all of the maintenance team and contractors, and was on call 24 hours a day.

I know that times could be hard, especially when you were working through the night, and then up again at 6am to start on the normal day job, but it was my life and in some weird way I loved it.

I suppose looking back at old diaries to remember all of this, I just went into overdrive and totally ignored the College High Officials, because I knew what was needed better than anyone else, and was allowed to get on with it. Although I gathered from notes that I never took any prisoners, so  if any individual like an academic poked their noses into something they nothing about, they got a shock.

The odd thing was that I was protected by the Bursar, Treasurer etc, because I was respected and kept my head down

Yes it was a stressful job but I loved it, the sad thing is that I don't remember a lot about it all now, its a bit like a faded dream. I suppose its like last years flood at home. That is a forgotten part of my life, I remember odd bits and that is the lot, so where my wife lives in fear of another flood, I can't really help her. I get occasional glimpses of the flood but nothing concrete, I don't know if that's good or bad.

However these days, I have forgotten how to do the jobs that I used to do confidently doing my work,
and many are so dangerous that I would not even go there.

This includes all of my electrical training, which is a thing from the past, and even the electrical examination papers that I have seen look like a foreign language, and unreadable. I have managed to fit one electrical plug since leaving work, and my son had to check it as I was unsure as to whether  it was done properly.

I no longer take stress very easy these days, and that is very hard to cope with. I find that any stress sees me leaving the room, to find somewhere quiet.

Yes I now get stressed and sometimes very agitated, so I have tried to steer clear of anything which sets me off. However finding the right words and answers at times can cause this, so I have to try to work things out in my brain before opening my mouth. Otherwise the wrong words come out, or the right words in the wrong order, leaving me feeling very annoyed with myself.

I know that its all to do with the brain, but it does not help some days.

I don't know if this is a major part of my illness these days, but I confess that there are days when this gets me down.

I suppose in this day and age even the television is stressful as programmes like the BBC news are very biased and I find that so sad. I don't like to hear someone telling me what is right or wrong on Television, because I have a better idea than some of these presenters, I just want the news as it is without some political biased on it.     So I end up reading the news on the internet, where I can make my own mind up.

I was never political or had any views on politics, but now like many who have this illness, I seem to have gone the other direction, which at times is confusing.

Many people who have this illness end up with some form of depression too, but although I get stressed I don't think I am depressed, or depressed as I know it.

I just want the stress to go away, but I suppose most of this is down to the lose of all my training and hobbies, the things I loved outside family life.   


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