Violent nightmares

 Since before just before I was formally diagnosed as having Early-onset Lewy Body Dementia, I have struggled with very bad dreams and in some cases nightmares.

These things have little or no direct link to normal life that I know of, and they are very frightening, and sometimes difficult to break free from.

I remember the first one I had which I told my consultant about when I saw her at the clinic.
It was at this point that I learned that these were all caused by my illness and not medication of any kind.

 On some occasions, I have got out of bed and gone to a different room simply to break the cycle or at least try to.

I say that because when we wake up from these horrors as I call them, its difficult to decide the difference between the nightmare and reality. I have at times resorted to doing things like hitting the wall so that I know I am awake, but then that leads to sore hands the next morning.

Sometimes after doing something like watching television for half an hour, I have returned to bed only to find the whole process start again from the point it stopped. That is also very sad as I get out of bed feeling very tired and stressed.

When I have these really bad horrors during the night, I can usually remember the whole thing in great detail for at least two days afterward, and I have written about these before, as a way of trying to find out what is causing it all to happen.

I often wonder why it is people having these don't end up having a heart attack as they are so bad, perhaps they do and it's not looked into as to why it happened.

I was once given medication, which was supposed to control it all, but found it got so bad that this had to be stopped altogether, because I simply could not wake up, and in the end tried to climb out of a bedroom window to get away from this bad horror. Luckily for me, the windows were locked, because I was in a hotel and our room was on the third floor.

However, I understand that people who have this form of dementia struggle with some medications, so they are only used as short trials.

I recently had a very bad night which shook me rigid afterward when I looked back at it.

It had been a very bad night and I can remember getting out of bed on two or three occasions, and sat in the room next door until I felt safe to return to bed. However each time I returned to bed the same horror started all over again.

Eventually, I did wake up and went to have a cup of tea, at which point it dawned on me, that I had never actually left the bed during the night, I had only dreamt I had, which accounted for the nightmares going on so long.

I was then so shocked about this that the next night, I did not want to go to bed, because I kept thinking, what if I thought I had woken up and had gone to the toilet?  The embarrassment would have been too much for me.  So these days I live in fear of these nights, and what may or may not happen.

On some occasions I do get up and go downstairs to write things for my blog, just to try to concentrate on something for a while, but I am nervous about waking someone else up, so I don't do it every night.

 Like many people who are living with Parkinson's/ Lewy Body dementia problems, I suffer from nightly horrors and very graphic nightmares which can be very stressful

Last year my consultant put me on a new drug, which it was hoped would help cut down these horrors, and for a while, it worked, but over the last few weeks, it has started all over again.

 These started a few years ago when I was diagnosed as having a form of Lewy Body Dementia / Parkinsonism.  

The problem is that you act these graphic nightmares out, and can remember them in great detail during the next day, something which is quite frightening. 

Nurses in hospitals etc are told to speak quietly and touch the person going through these, in the hope of bringing them out of this, but as I pointed out to graduate nurses while giving a presentation last year, this can be highly dangerous to anyone trying to help.

My wife has found out at times, that is hazardous, because she can become part of the nightmare, and then get hurt in the process, and she has a good idea what it's like, as she has become part of this when she gets too close. 

My wife tried this one night and ended up with a nasty black eye and bruises after one nightly horror show, and that was upsetting for me, as well as for her.

Having totally demolished two bedside lights and other things, there is now nothing important next to my side of the bed.

After seeing the damage after a bad night, it brings you down to earth a little 

But I could describe everything in great detail, when I wake up,  which is not nice. 

I understand that  I lash out and kick out, once these things start. 

There seems to be no reason for these, as many of them bare no links to reality, and that makes life hard to work out.
Last year my consultant gave me a trial of some medication, in the hope that it would help, which it did for a while then the horrors started all over again a few weeks ago.

After a nightmare, if I am lucky enough to wake up on my own, I usually get up, and either sit in the bathroom or go downstairs for a while, if I am not feeling wobbly. 

However sometimes,  these things start off all over again from where they had stopped, and that is terrifying 

I think part of the problem is that when I  wake up, I cannot tell the difference between the nightmare or reality, and it seems to take a while to settle down.

A few years ago after a flood-damaged our home we were moved into a small flat, and one night I had the worst night I had ever had. 

I was convinced that I had woken up from a nightmare and had gone into the sitting room, had a cup of tea, and had then gone to the toilet. This happened three times, then I eventually woke up and realized that it was all part of the nightmare. 

My wife said I woke up in a total  panic 

Although there was no damage at all, this shook me rigid because I was convinced that I had been up three times, and had gone to the toilet. 

I confess that I am absolutely terrified of ever being sent into a hospital, because I have no control over what happens during these nights, and the last thing I want is to be charged with assaulting a nurse or anyone else, while I am going through a night like this. 

Although things are not as bad as they used to be, it's still difficult to understand. 

I often wake up in the morning feeling very tired and sometimes ache, I guess because of the lashing out. 

While it's difficult for me it must be worse for my wife, because it means that she must keep her distance while trying to wake me up 

When this all started, I thought that I was going mad,  but I understand that it's all part of the Lewy Body Dementia. 

Perhaps it also accounts for my deep sleeping during the day.