Trying to bumble my way through

Last  week was hard, even harder than last week, trying to bumble my way through life without constant reminders.

This in turn shows, that the constant reminders in memory tests are a waste of time, because in normal life, we don’t have the benefit of constant reminders to get us through the day.

We either get it right or fail completely

However the last set of memory tests did so much damage as far as stress was concerned, I confess that I dread the next ones coming.

I admit that the normal tests are not as long, and are less stressful, so it’s not as bad, but the last ones for the research group left me feeling stressed and very tired for days after.

Your life changes because, if you don’t understand words, you break them down in the hope of being able to say them properly. You  may not have a clue about what the word means, but like reading a book, you have to attempt to break the word up into sections in the hope of trying to say it.

However trying to muddle your way through a normal day can be stressful enough, while trying to make sure that we don’t do, or say the wrong thing, and I don’t think people consider this when discussing this illness. 

People these days are not so forgiving if you say the wrong thing by mistake, or do the wrong thing. It’s only later, or when told that you understand what you have done. 

Different week

Last week we went in a coach holiday to the Isle of Wight, but I found it to be stressful, but

I think this was because we knew no one else on the coach. 

My wife said yesterday, that if the dementia researchers had been around over the last week or so, they would have seen a different side of me, and I would probably have answered all of the questions differently.

When I am out of my comfort zone things go completely wrong, and it’s times like this that I need my wife’s support.

Even meal times were difficult, because we had two other people sat with us, and I was terrified of saying or doing the wrong things. 

My wife always looked at the menu outside the dining room, and explained what was coming, so that there was no awkward questions at the table. 

Once it’s been decided what I want, my wife  always helps out when the waiter comes along, and I am very grateful for this because ordering can be stressful these days.

Looking back I was always independent, but things are so different these days, and even things like going to the toilet can be so terrifying, but I guess these places are not dementia friendly, and there are usually people running left right and centre, which makes it difficult to stay upright and not make a fool of myself. 

I just don’t cope when people walk across in front of me, and I know that without my stick, I would end up on the floor, because of my poor balance. 

Toilet signs are difficult to work out these days, but Janice always points me in the right direction then it’s up to me.

When things first went wrong, I always said the ladies toilet sign was a person with a skirt on, while the gents  was just a person with two legs, but these days these signs can change quite a lot, and in some cases they are unrecognisable.   

If I am not sure, I head for the disabled toilet for safety. 

I think this tour was too far for me, as I struggled with the long journey, and this is frightening because we are going to the Isle of Skye at the end of the month with our church.

Although the journey is about the same, the breaks for a rest are usually longer, and people are always more patient with me because many of them know me and are understanding

I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens.