Thursday, 8 May 2014

Where does all the information disappear too

When this illness kicked in I was devastated, as all of my electrical experience was disappearing fast.



I often wonder where all of this stuff disappears to, as it gave spoken to other people who still remember how to do their jobs, yet mine is virtually gone


I was a university college engineer, and spent most of my time doing electrical work, and my son took a great interest in my job, apart from the paperwork and decided early on to follow suite.


I often talk to my son, who became an electrician after watching me at work, and he has talked about my job and the things I once did, like retiring the college chapel, yet here I am unable to fit a 13 amp plug these days.


Having someone like Mark to talk to too, is helpful, but also distressing wondering what happened to wipe so much information from my memory. Sometimes odd bits come back, which I try to fit into place, but that's it.


After my diagnosis, I occasionally picked up my last electrical exam papers, in the hope that something would click into place, but no such luck. It's as if a virus has hit my computer and wiped it clean.
Trying to read the exam papers is like trying to read a foreign language, and nothing makes any sense at all.


Looking back I could and did spend hours working on electrical equipment, which as Mark has said was something I enjoyed doing, getting something to work all over again when it had died, yet these days, there is not a spark anywhere.


Having him around at times helps me to understand what I did at work, and in some respects it helps me fill in some of the holes, but not a lot. I often wonder why some people remember their jobs in great detail where others are at a loss to know where to start.


Mark often went into work with me at weekends when I was on call for breakdowns, and it was thus that made him interested in becoming an electrician rather than going to university, so in some respects he has picked up where I appear to have stopped.


I often look at my old diaries of the problems I faced at the start if this illness, trying to work out what was going wrong, and it feels like I am at times reading someone else's diaries, certainly nothing to do with me, yet it was me and I was going through the horrors of losing my memories and job all in one go.


Perhaps it's time to just let go and throw these things away, so I ca no longer be tempted to try and work these things out.


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