Not in control

Over the last few months I confess I have not felt myself, I do feel as if someone else is controlling my brain and life. It's a bit frightening, but I have been to some dark places recently, and have struggled to sort myself out. 
My wife thinks the virus has made everyone feel a bit depressed these days and it's this making things worse.
Whether it is true or not, I just don't understand, but these days I feel totally on edge and not in control of my life. 
I know that wearing a face mask is causing a lot of upset, as I get my glasses and hearing aids tangled up, but also to my brain i guess the mask is something which should not be there. 
I feel more confused and struggling to cope, especially when it comes to wearing a face mask when I go out, and this is causing more stress, but I guess I have have to accept this and move on although it's not easy. 
However one of the most difficult things, is trying to work out and remember what the date and day are, as it's all …

Problems thinking

Over the last months  I confess that l am struggling to get my brain into gear, but I think since my last chest infection dragged on a long time, its hit me harder.

This can lead to many different problems, from trying to understand clearly what is happening and what is being 
Covid has become a nightmare to me due to my memory problems and walking etc. My foot drop is getting worse these days, and I am starting to find walking a bit if a problem although I try to push myself too far. 
As well as this wearing a face mask has also become a nightmare, as my brain is telling me its a foreign object which must be go rid of.
This in turn is adding breathing problems with me bilateral bronchiectasis and Emphysema.  I tried to go out without the mask but got so much abuse I had to try to wear it again. 
These days of having to wear a mask is causing extra problems for me and I guess many others too. 
When I remove my mask usually end up removing my glasses and hearing aids too, as they have all bec…

its it's been a long few weeks

It's been a long few weeks, although I was l pleased that I did not have covid, just a bog standard chest infection, if that can be called bog standard 
My memory  and thoughts have been hammered through all of this, and I confess that it's been quite  worrying, not fully understanding what is going on. I think I have been sleeping like the dead too which is frustrating as I am dropping off very easily, and can be out for an hour or more.
I have a reclining chair, but these days it's not easy to breathe when I am reclining, so it's a case of learning to adjust the chair to a better angle, and sometimes have a pillow behind my back. 
Coping with normal life during this Covid virus has been difficult to say the least, but the hardest part has  been getting used to wearing a face mask. Both my GP and Respiratory nurse said that i had to wear one, and its been very hard, but I need to be active so its got to be done if I want to go into a shop. 
As well as this, I found that ev…

Feeling Rough

After a battering from a chest infection which did not clear, and sputum test which was supposed to be clear, I was referred back to the doctors yesterday, where I had a series of tests done including one to check that I did not have the Covid infection. 
I confess that I struggled to cope with wearing a mask let alone having the Covid tests done, and seeing a doctor and respiratory nurse all done up in PPE was a little frightening, a bit  like something from a horror film, even though I knew both of them. 
I was told that sputum tests can be confusing, and as it was pointed out yesterday, what is normal when your lungs are wrecked. Luckily for me the person saying this, has a lot of experience as her daughter has the same problems. 

I don't feel as if I have this horror, but these days you can never tell as this Government keep changing the symptoms etc, all of the time. But hopefully I will get the pass results on Friday. 
I was sent home with some very strong antibiotics, which kil…

Trying to cope with writing etc

When things went wrong at work, I realised to my horror that my writing was not as it should be and it was distressing

All order firms were written out by hand, and I was starting to make a complete mess of them because I was changing for small case to capital letters without realising what was going on, this meant that many order forms were no longer usable.
Over the last few weeks things have got worse and it has reduced me to tears on more than one occasion,when doing things like birthday cards etc for my wife. Although she is understanding, it really does not help me, and I find it all very distressing looking back at it.

It's very strange because I have no idea what is happening, or what causes this.

It's a bit like numbers, if I look at them I get the wrong idea, of what I am looking at, and something repeat a number, but it comes out all jumbled up, because the numbers are in the wrong order.

Recovering from yet another chest infection

Two weeks ago, I felt drained and chest, and then my wife realised last week that I had another chest infection, I confess that it did not feel too bad, but I have been caught out by this before, and there is no way I will go into hospital during this crisis. I should have gone in at Christmas due to an infection, but I told the doctor that i as not going, however she did agree that I would get better faster at home in my own environment.I understand the antibiotics by a drip, can be faster, but as I tend to act out my dreams and nightmares while sleeping, I would simply pull the thing out of my arm,  so it's something, to consider.  I am prone to repeated chest infections, due to the fact that I have Bronchiectasis and Emphysema. The Bronchiectatsis  was something that developed when I was a child, after a bout of whooping cough, measles  and mumps. That I guess wrecked my lungs without anyone knowing, and that was made worse by a life working in industry.Life is interesting and …


Caring for someone  is a role which is totally ignored by Governments, because they simply don't care enough to support them.
A carers role is 24 hours a day,  7days a week, and they are saving the British Government millions of pounds each year, without any support from social services etc. 
Our carers get us through a lot during the day, from sorting out medication, arranging  medical appointments, cooking our meals, washing especially as many washing machines are too technical to understand these days, looking after us, taking us to places in the car etc, as well as dealing with documents which no longer make sense, or are difficult to understand. This list is too long to write and think about. 
In my case, as well as Lewy Body Dementia, I have lung problems to put up with, like Bronchiectasis, something i have had since i was a child, along with emphysema from years to working in industry, as this all makes life difficult.
This in turn means I am prone to recurring chest infection…