Trying to control my emmosions

 I have noticed over the last year or more, that I am becoming more bad tempered, perhaps some would say moody. 

This is happening more and more, and I am terrified of becoming violent in the process. Even my daughter has picked this up over the telephone, and I am getting to the stage where I am frightened of upsetting her, or anyone else. 

So much so that I told my wife that I don’t want to be involved with telephone calls any more, in case I say something which will cause trouble. 

This has been going on long before this virus, and usually happened when a chest infection was brewing, but I just don’t understand why it’s happening now. I think my wife is frightened to tell the doctors, in case  I get put in a care home etc. 

While I can understand this, I think I would just give up if I was in a care home, because it’s not in my own zone. 

I think a lot of this is caused by the restrictions caused by COVID, and the fact that out local park is overrun by people driving here from other places, so they can run etc, but they are not keeping their distance from others. 

Coupled with this I am struggling to cope with a face mask, and struggle to understand what people are saying when they are wearing a mask. Along with this I cannot wear my hearing aids, because when I remove my mask it brings my hearing aids out, as well as my glasses.

Perhaps to many people this is nothing, but when your brain does it’s own thing, life becomes very difficult, I guess because we are out of our comfort zone.

I have also been  struggling with bowel problems since early October, and this is causing extra stress going to the toilet 4-5 times a day, and sometimes during the night, not knowing if I will get there in time.

I am having tests, but found that since i came off dairy products life has become more bearable. However the consultant seems to have other ideas, and unlike our doctor who seems pleased that we have worked something out, I feel the consultant will be less forgiving. 

Only time will tell