Since my last chest infection, I have struggled to get on with life the way I was used to doing.
I don't understand these changes, which are harder to cope with.
Although I understand that there is depression in both Lewy Body Dementia and Parkinson's, which I understand are very similar, I have never really quite understood it.
Like everyone else I get a little down at times, but I think this week I hit the bottom and found it difficult, to get clear of it.
When this happens I usually go for a long walk, or as far as I can walk these days, which is not far compared to years ago when I could walk 15 - 20 miles a day.
These days I am lucky it I can manage 3- 4 miles with my hip and chest problems, but I know that it's exercise
When you struggle to cope with stress and agitation, as I have found recently it's difficult to get on with a normal life.
Trying to find the right words when talking to people, can be a hazard times, something which many people don't understand, but I guess that's life and we have to find ways of coping with it.
I have at times found myself staring into the distance unable to think clearly, and this can't be good.
Sometimes it feels as if I have hit a brick wall, because I can't think what I want to say, even to my wife, and that is very hard.
It's not that I don't want to talk, the words just don't come to my brain
However I have noticed some days when my brain has not been connected to my mouth, as the wrong things come out, or come out in the wrong order and that's embarrassing.
I spent an odd day on my own at our caravan, and coped quite well, because I knew where everything was, so just pottered around relaxing and enjoying walks around Barnard Castle which is lovely.
The only problems came at meal times when I had to work hard to plan things out.
I guess the reason I like this area, is because of its gorgeous countryside and everyone speaks even if you don't know them at all
While I don't always cope well on my own, I find the caravan to be relaxing because it's smaller than our house and I know where most things are.
As well as that, the air is a lot cleaner in Barnard Castle, than it is around home so it helps my breathing problems.
I guess some of my problems could be due to lack of sleep.
Although I can drift off during the day when my eyelids get too heavy to stay open, which is an odd feeling, then wake up after half an hour or an hour feeling totally refreshed
I confess that I have never had this feeling until recently, where you feel as if your eyelids are being pulled down and even fighting it can be a waste of time.
During the night is totally different, due to the bad dreams and nightmares, and waking up with a cramp in my right leg and foot.
I have never suffered from cramps like this before, but they can be frustrating.
So I suppose a few good nights sleep may well help, if I am lucky
However after this week I have a vague idea about what depression is, and it's something that I need to watch, because I don't want it to get worse or so bad that I can't handle it.